your friend, the toilet

by humanmama on October 29, 2012

Meet the toilet. This humble star of the powder room is more than just he seems. For as many times as you’ve met the toilet, you’ll never see as much action in the bathroom as after you’re a parent. When I became a parent, my relationship with the toilet changed rather suddenly from that of overlooked and underpaid plumbing fixture to a true friend, one that I appreciate, and take care of, and never, never take for granted.

As you become a parent for the first time you’ll notice your years of toileting before-child (BC) are vastly different than your years of toileting after-child (AC). BC toileting was just normal, not paid much attention to. Just one more thing to cross of the list. But if you were pregnant, you noticed that soon you and your toilet were re-acquainted like never before. I spent most of my first pregnancy throwing up into the toilet, wishing I was near a toilet so that I could throw up into one, and, of course, peeing, peeing, peeing into the toilet. If you were not pregnant but adopted or weren’t the parent to give birth, you’ll see that your experience with the toilet is, too, noticeably different after children.

It all begins with the baby. Actually, right after the baby. For many of you moms who birthed, or c-sectioned out a child, you’ll know that the first few days afterwards you and your toilet become especially close. And, once that’s past, the baby, especially the first baby, seems to have needs that are so vital, so all-consuming to that child that they must be met on demand. So therefore you might be tempted to hold the baby while you use the toilet. In fact, -ahem,- there might even be parents feeding baby while using the toilet. That, my friends, is because when you gotta eat, you gotta eat now; and when you gotta go, well, you gotta go.

As the children grow, you’ll notice an immense change in the way your bathroom, particularly the toilet area, begins to look and smell. Suddenly instead of the subtle lingering fragrance of cinnamon candle, your toileting area smells like an elephant house. There’s pee on the seat, and diapers in the garbage. Sometimes there might be diapers in the toilet. [*This is not recommended, but certain three-year-olds don’t often read recommendations.] And on top of that, there might be a variety of other items in the toilet as well–hairpins, toys, crayons, you name it. Hopefully at this point you’ll still be cleaning your dear old friend, since you’ll probably be forced, at some point, to put a hand down into that cold water to retrieve something. Also, this is the time of life to invest some good money in a reliable plunger: the toilet’s best friend.

Someday, yes friends, someday you’ll go back to seeing your toilet as the everyday, the overlooked. But during this time of life it may be one of your best friends. Care for it well.

***This has been a public service announcement from your friend, the toilet.***

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