you’ll recover

by humanmama on July 2, 2013

Your body will recover. Your stretch marks will fade, your stomach will shrink again (somewhat). Your arms won’t always be so tired; your back won’t always ache. You won’t get as many migraines or bite your nails as much or wake up six times in the night because you just won’t have to, there won’t be as much to stress about someday. There will come a time when you can wake up early and take coffee or yoga by yourself, and there will come a time when you can think your own thoughts all day long, not just before 6am and after 10pm. Some parts of your body won’t look the same as they once did, but your body will recover from this time of your life, and you won’t even really remember being that other person, the person before children.

Your mind will recover, too. You’ll be able to remember things (like where you put your keys. Or the kids). You won’t have so much on your mind all the time, so naturally you’ll be better able to focus on work, home, and recreational activities, someday. You’ll have hobbies again, your mental stamina and energy will return. You might enroll in a class or two, get some hobbies, just do something that’s just for yourself. You will be able to, again, some day in the future. You’ll understand so much more, one day, and really be present again. Strangely, you’ll never remember how you did all that you do now, all those years ago, when you had little kids.

It’s your heart that will never recover. Nope, it’s your heart that gets broken a million times more, worse than ever before. Worse than the time you skinned both knees, because now it’s the love of your life that has skinned both knees. Worse than that date when you were sixteen, because now it’s a part of you, your child’s heart, that will be broken again at sixteen. It’s your heart that still thinks beyond reason or logic I know it’s the school–something terrible has happened when it’s just a telemarketer, again, and your child is age 5, or 12, or 22. It’s your raw love, personified, that makes you more and less patient than you ever thought you could be with someone, better and worse than you’ll ever be before or since. It’s your dear, old, bursting heart that still is beating but won’t ever be the same.

So, one day? You’ll probably look and feel great again. But you’ll be changed. And the strangest thing is that you probably won’t even mind.

Post to Twitter

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: