yelly holidays

by humanmama on December 14, 2012

I haven’t written this week, and that’s because I kept waiting until I felt better to write. I kept waiting to feel light and dry and fun, when all I really felt all week was heavy and soggy and exhausted and yelly. Like I could wake up at 4am each morning and still–STILL–at 8:10 be yelling at the kids to get their shoes and coats on. I tried; really I did. All I wanted to do was feed them hot chocolate and leisurely make pancakes in the shapes of snowmen while practicing spelling words. (In that scenario, of course, we are all 5 minutes early for school, smiling and singing Christmas carols, while we wait patiently in the drop-off line together. And maybe I’ve had a mimosa. It’s a fantasy, people.)

So I haven’t written much, because I kept waiting to feel like the mom I want to be. Instead of the mom I am being.

But today when I got to preschool, after another morning of not listening, yelling too much, baby screaming, DID YOU HAVE HOMEWORK OR NOT??!, WHERE ARE MY SHOES?!, SHE’S HITTINGMEAGAINMOMMMYYYY!, I heard at least three other moms saying the same thing.

One said, “I threw a brush against the wall this week and it broke, I was so upset.”

One said, “I yelled so much this morning I felt like crying.”

One said, “I yell so much all day that I feel like crying.”

And then I thought, well, I’d better post. To all of you parents, and non-parents out there. I better say, hey! it’s okay! we’re all in this together! I was yelly too. “My name is AJ, and I’m a terriblemother/yellaholic.” Only, I’m not a terrible mother. Even I know that. I’m a frickin’ great mother. The Christmas decor is up. The kids had french toast this morning. The spelling words have been gone through one thousand times. And even the damn Elf on the damn Shelf has been up to some mischief. She knitted herself a scarf, did I mention that? Yeah. So. I’m not that terrible. And neither are you. You are beautiful. You brushed their hair. You remembered what they like for lunch. You helped them with their shoes. You gave them a drink after they spilled theirsall over the place AGAIN. You got them gifts. Or you will. You’re a great parent. And I am too.

So, it’s okay to be a little yelly. I’m sure they won’t remember. We’re doing our best, and we’re in this together. Even if we’re not perfect. Because no one is perfect. That’s the human part of humanmama, and that’s the human part of you, too.

I’m not human, so I CAN be perfect!

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Emily December 14, 2012 at 10:57 am

I am totally impressed with the elf knitting herself a scarf! This time of year is like craziness, same thing happening at my house:)


aj December 17, 2012 at 9:39 am

It was easy because she has such a small neck… But actually, hard, since she has no fingers! We’re all in it together. ;)


Mommy_Ronni December 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Yet again, thank you, thank you, thank you! Sometimes I feel as though you are reading my mind.

As I entered my living room to find my son lying on top of his toy shelves, having knocked every toy off the shelf as well as the collage frame on the wall behind him onto the floor (in the length of time it took me to rinse his high chair tray), I just wanted to cry because once again I was yelling at him.

But then I took him to play with his cousins, bought him a yummy lunch and snuggled him close before he went down for a much needed (for both of us!) nap.

I’m Ronni and I too am a yellaholic, I’m also a REALLY, REALLY good Mommy.


aj December 17, 2012 at 9:38 am

Yes. YES!! You are. It’s okay–if you went to work no one would ever expect you to hold it together under those conditions. Good job!

*also, if you we’re at work and your boss was lying on the shelves, you might have other problems…


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