wife instruction manual

by humanmama on June 25, 2013

Often I hear spouses say, “My wife is hard to read.” I’m here to say: this is not true. Wives tell their partners all the time what they want, and/or need. It might be subtle in certain situations, so I thought it might help partners, spouses, husbands, etc. if there was a handy little guide to help. Wife 101: my gift to you.

Let’s take a situation like the everyday evening. Maybe dinner’s already finished, and you’re wondering what to do next. You might be thinking, should I watch TV or just relax on the chair? In walks your wife. Suddenly, she seems irritated. Ugh! Women! you think to yourself, who even knows what they’re thinking! Next, this conversation ensues:

You: Hey, honey. [Note lack of question, like “how are you,” which would invite her to answer. It’s late! You’re tired!]
Her: Ugh.
You: [wondering: what’s her problem, geez!]
Her: You could at least load the dishwasher for a change.
You: [thinking “I don’t like that tone of voice!”] Um, I just need a second. I had a long day.
Her: [disgusted] Rgh.

You might be wondering what she’s thinking. And here I am to tell you! Are you ready for your mind to be blown?! She’s thinking I wish you would load the dishwasher sometimes. There! Presto! So mysterious, yes, but so apparent. She also–and this is extending this a bit, but bear with me–might be thinking it would be helpful if you saw what was messy sometimes and picked it up instead of having to be told, so if you really want to be incredible (and I know you do!), go ahead and pick up your shoes from where you dropped them. Maybe put your dirty socks and underwear where they’re supposed to go, instead of on some floor. And by all means, if you were to pick up and put away something that was the children’s and not even your mess?! Oh dear heavens, she’d be beside herself with happiness. Which might buy you some more time in the evenings to sit and relax.

Do you see where I’m going here? Okay, let’s go to another situation.

You: [watching SportsCenter on ESPN] ……………………………………burp…………………………….
Her: UGH.
You: What?!
Her: You know what.
You: ………………………………………….quieter burp……………………………………………………………….

Yes, this one’s a little trickier. She could be thinking any number of things, since she didn’t really mention anything. (It could be the burp, but it could just as easily not be the burp.) Here’s where you have to use a bit of sleuthing: it’s going to sound totally crazy, but try asking her what is the matter and listening to the answer! If you turn off ESPN and look into her eyes to ask what’s wrong and then really listen to the answer, you’ll probably blow her mind. She’ll be grateful in so many ways. So. Many. Ways. SO. MANY. WAYS. Hint, hint.

Oh yeah. I forgot, you’re not so good with subtlety. Anyway, she’ll be happy. And happy her = happy you = happy everybody. Haven’t you heard by now? If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

And THAT’S the truth! Wife 101: class dismissed.

Post to Twitter

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: