top ten things to remember at a wedding

by humanmama on July 10, 2011

Sorry I skipped a couple of days! I was at a wedding, and my children were the flower girls. Not to brag or darlin's

They were absolutely amazing, even late after bedtime. They went down the long aisle without hardly a hesitation, and threw every single last petal out of those baskets, I tell ya.

The wedding was wonderful. The bride and groom were happy and in love, and isn’t that the absolute best kind of wedding? The one where people are actually happy, instead of obligated or irritated? I always tell Carpenter that our love is like those negative ions that people like to soak up near a waterfall, it’s just positive waves of love and happiness spreading out from around us. That’s how our wedding was, a waterfall of love getting everybody around us just positively drunk with happiness and love juju. That sounds so gushy. But it’s true. This wedding was a waterfall too, especially if you count my tears and Carpenter’s as out little girls went down that big aisle together, dumping their petals.

Anyway, besides the outpouring of lovely ionic love, at this wedding I noticed that some things need to be said. So I’ll say them.

As usual.



Top Ten Things to remember at a Wedding:

10 ) Do not get horribly drunk and rant. That’s just something no one wants to hear. Unless you are hilarious.

9 ) You can faint, bride, groom, or bridesmaid, but make sure you faint on something soft. And, if you are feeling faint, please don’t lock you knees, keep them loose. Also, lay down and put your feet up. Even if you are a bridesmaid. Even if it’s in the middle of the vows.

8 ) It is always appropriate to fawn over other guest’s children. It is never okay to roll your eyes at them and wonder why they brought such naughty children in the first place. They probably didn’t have a sitter, and they are young parents without much support, and they just wanted to come to the wedding and have a nice time, and you try telling a 2- or 3-year-old not to interrupt the best man’s toast with yelling. Give ’em a little break and go get drunk on the negative ions of love. (But no ranting.)

7 ) Please take photos but maybe refrain from using someone else’s head as support as you take a loud, beeping video recording.

6 ) The bride is really, really important and has been up all day, since early in the morning, getting gorgeous. IF YOU SEE HER, BRING HER FOOD AND WATER. Especially after the ceremony. Or else beware of tip #9.

5 ) Remember that you were (perhaps) in love once and respect that, even if you are not in love now, you’re getting a free dinner paid for by someone who is in love now. So be polite and keep your renditions of “Love Stinks” to yourself. (This includes you, Mr. DJ.)

4 ) For the wedding DJ: When opening the music up to “take the audience’s requests,” consider instead playing the songs that the actual bride asked you to play. Just a suggestion if you want a tip.

3 ) You can eat again tomorrow. Don’t stuff yourself just because it’s free. You need to dance later!

2 ) Do dance later. Burn off those calories and have fun with your partner who is hopefully there with you. If you’re partner-less, just dance by yourself! You’ll have more fun and enjoy the wedding a whole lot more. Also, when you’re dancing you look cooler, believe me, than if you’re sitting alone by yourself nursing a watered-down glass of white zinfandel. Get out there!

1 ) If you are a husband, this is especially for you. Dance with your partner. They love you. Or, at least, they did sometime before this wedding. So ask him or her to dance, and make it special. It’s okay if you look dumb. No one will notice. Especially with everyone fainting and the DJ singing “Love Stinks.”

Finally, enjoy that wedding. It’s an amazing thing, love–it makes people want to spend money on you.



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Dana July 11, 2011 at 7:00 am

Your girls looked adorable! How fun!


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