time after time

by humanmama on June 13, 2012

Okay, there shall be no more complain-y “this pregnancy takes forever and is awful” posts. After this one.

I am standing inside an hourglass. Only, instead of being smothered by the sand pouring down, I only see one grain at a time squeezing out of the opening above my head. In order to speed things up, I poke my finger into the space above me, but still only see one, maybe two grains of sand get released at a time. “I’m stuck here forever,” I think to myself, and then I wake up. And I’m still pregnant.

It’s strange to me that these last weeks are going so slowly. Maybe it’s because it’s just summer now, kids out of school, no real schedule to compact our weeks into nice packages of M-F, then the weekend. Maybe it’s because I decided I do not care anymore–nothing can get done and I’ll be just fine. The baby will just sleep on a pillow or something until the year 2014 when I finally become motivated again to clean up and organize. Maybe it’s because I’m older, and more in pain, and everything seems just saggier and heavier. But this time it’s taking forever.

I assume that when I’m sixty I won’t be pregnant anymore, but I’m not totally sure. I have 4 weeks left to go. Four Weeks. And the strange thing is that I think I also had four weeks to go about 6 months ago. And two months before that. I feel like I’m having an elephant pregnancy, 22 months long, and bearing something that could very well weigh 250 pounds.

I keep thinking if I could only go into labor early, it would be great. Then the mother-guilt kicks in and I think, “No, then he’d be in the NICU since he’d premature for another week or two.” But then I tell myself, “when he gets there he’d be about 7 or 8 pounds, the size of a regular baby, and they’d send him right back.” Then I do jumping jacks.

My first baby was 9 lbs., 14 oz. The second, bless her, taken 5 days early via planned c-section, weighed in at a pixie-like 8 lbs., 15 oz. We said “Oooh, she is so tiny!” when she arrived, and the doctors and nurses looked at us like we were aliens and said “Um, that is a 9 pound baby,” but compared with almost 10 pounds she seemed like a teeny version of big sister, a faerie, a nymph. If he hangs in there the entire pregnancy, I assume this one will be 12 or 15 pounds.

WAIT!

I just realized I could POSSIBLY have the world’s biggest baby in here! That means Guiness Book, right??! Also think of the sponsorships! He could be the face of The Big Gulp, among other infamous American Obesity-making foods! YES!

But, then again, that seems so wrong. So in the meantime, I’ll just be waiting here. And waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Holly June 13, 2012 at 9:41 am

9 LBS!!?! 10 LBS?!?! You make ’em big don’t you? It will be over soon enough – good luck with that baby-sleeping pillow. lol

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aj June 13, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Ha! Yes, I make ’em big. I have no other choice, that’s just how they come out!! I know. It always seems normal to me until people say “oh, little ____ was 6 lbs. 14 oz. And then I think, ohmygoodness, I make some huge children. :)

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Mommy_ronni June 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm

My OB kept telling me how big my son was going to be, they were expecting him to be well over 10lbs when he was born. He was 9 days early and weighted 7lbs, 9oz. I had an emergency C so I was knocked out when they took him out, as soon as they handed him to me I was unraveling him saying “this is not a 10lb baby”!

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aj June 27, 2012 at 6:51 am

No way!! That just goes to show you how totally inaccurate the science is, even today. Oh well! Safe and healthy!

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