the good wife

by humanmama on April 5, 2011

Today we went downtown to Pittsburgh to meet Ben for lunch. And we ate at a Dunkin’ Donuts which had horrible food today (LOVE the donuts, love the coffee, kinda slim pickings for a 4- and 2-year-old for lunch). And at the end of the 20-minutes that Ben gets for lunch, as we were putting the kids (crying, screaming) into the van, I turned and said “You’re welcome,” to Ben. With my face in kind of a frown, you might say. Or perhaps “scowl” is a better word.

Not one of my best moments in spousing.

Spousing (“being a spouse”) is a tricky sport. Just like all sports you get better at it with time and practice, but unlike most sports, being “better” at being a spouse is entirely left up to your definition. (This applies to being any sort of spouse.) For example, I know a family member who started out as a pretty okay wife, optimistic but a little mean and judgemental at times, but after years and years of being hard, entitled, insensitive, and bitter, she finally perfected her style of spousing. It’s just that her style was a little hard on her husband, who eventually filed for divorce. Mine is a different style, thank goodness, and specializes more in “relationship developing.” Mostly. Unless I’m scowling.

Ben was complaining about his job during lunch, and that he is the Carpenter Foreman but is basically running the job, and his boss sucks and is a coward. Which is hard on him. And if I was still in a career as I had been before children (which was actually a little bit established and also in my field of study from College, I am proud to say), I would have been properly concerned for him. But my morning was as follows: get up late, since Lilly was up four times at night for more than 1/2 hour each time from 1:30am to 4:30am. Helena also had a night terror last night, the worst one yet, which also involved screaming with her eyes open and peeing all over me when I was holding her. Get kids changed, pottied, dressed, beds made, do hair, make breakfast, take dog out, get shoes/coats/hats/socks on in no particular order. Lilly fell face-first on the concrete this week so I had to clean her cuts again after breakfast and apply neosporin, making sure not to get the tube too close to her face so she wouldn’t see it and ask for “mo’ loshun, mama?” and then start freaking out when I won’t give it to  her.  This was all between 8:05 and 8:45 when it was time to leave for preschool.

I also called the doctor and made an appointment for Lilly since there is no explanation for her waking up all night every night this week. There are two possibilities: ear infection, or actually wanting to torment me. At different times of the day I’m inclined to draw different conclusions.

We drove Helena to school, ran back home, got our tax stuff and went to pay our local taxes, stopped at the Doctor’s office, waited patiently for one hour for them to say “just teething, I’m afraid!” Raced to Helena’s school to pick her up, raced downtown to meet dad at noon.

When we got to Downtown Pittsburgh it was 12:04, and Lilly usually goes for a nap at noon. So there was that, too. Meaning that 25 min. later when we pulled away from lunch, Helena crying “I miss my Daaaa-daaaa” and Lilly screaming unintelligibly I realized that at least two of us needed a nap.

Being a good at my style of spousing, as I pride myself in being, I would normally want to take a listen to Ben’s work situation and say, “Hey, I’m sorry. That sucks. I’ve had a hell of a day myself.” And I know him, his style. If I had said that he would have looked at me and said “I don’t know how you do it.”

-Sigh.- I guess that’s what we’ll have to do next time. Practice makes perfect.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Erin April 6, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I love that you have branched out and are now a “Human Mama!” Your stories let us all know that we are not alone. Though I feel I too am a Human Mama, I still wonder about my kiddos (I swear at times they were created in a pod somewhere…especially since I had c-sections and never really saw the birth!)


cardaddy July 11, 2011 at 8:55 am

Hi there! I completely agree with your opinion.


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