the funny thing about being pregnant is…

by humanmama on May 17, 2012

Pregnancy is no joke. It’s long, for starters, and by that I mean how many weeks in a month? 4, right? So, why is 40-42 weeks considered 9 months? Because in my world, 40=4×10, which means it’s really more like ten months. And if you remember correctly, for those of us who don’t go into labor, it could be a lifetime of being pregnant.

Me pregnant with #1, 2006!

Secondly, it’s a siege of bodily issues. Never was a bloated, gassy, stretch-mark-covered, groaning 93-year-old before? Well, try getting pregnant! It’s quite an experience. Everything I read in sarcastic articles the first time (“Trouble with hemorrhoids? HA! Who knows?! I wish I could even see to wipe down there!”) was counteracted with loving and gentle advice from What to Expect and other baby-momma-mother-earth books. And although I knew it could get bad (so I’d heard), I didn’t really believe the hype. But then. Oh, but then. The first 25 weeks of throwing up hourly and the last 15 weeks of muscle aches, back pain, and weight gain made me believe. Pregnancy is tough. It is.

But at the same time as all the hardship (and I know you could very well be someone who loved being pregnant and feeling the baby move and I do not judge you but only feel a world of envy), there are some really hilarious moments to it, too. Last night, for example, I pulled out my groin muscles–well, I’m not sure exactly what the muscle is, but it’s the one that if you stepped into the shower and slipped, you’d pull your legs together and stabilize yourself with. I think it’s a combination of overdoing it, gardening, taking care of kids, and just how the baby is laying, but you should see me walk. It’s amazing what you use that set of muscles for. Like, for picking your legs up. On the positive, I don’t need to imagine what an 80-year-old might feel like, as a turtle and a worm pass me in the left lane and I shuffle, determined, up the stairs.

I’m sure it would be funny to watch a video of me sleeping. I sleep like a dying fish, flopping from side to side, trying to get a gasp of comfort before I die of sleep deprivation. I can hardly turn over, and have to use my hands and arms in order to prop me up and then fling myself over. And I constantly am kicking Carpenter, asking for my pillow, no not that one, the other one, and telling him to stop snoring. Or give me the blanket. Or stop touching me. Or move over. Well, it should be funny to most people. I’m not sure how funny my new sleep habits are to him

And finally, there’s the mental hurdles of having more kids. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the set of the movie Cheaper by the Dozen, with all the toys and shoes and bikes and (did I mention toys?). And I only have two children. So what’s it going to be like in a couple of years when I have three? I know personally a couple of great women with four kids, and they seem to manage. But sometimes, the chores piling up seem like I’m being Punk’d, and that soon Ashton Kutcher or someone will jump out, and tell me that no, there’s no way that only two kids could have made all this mess! Just kidding! And by the way, you don’t have to clean up anymore! We’ll do it!

me, pregnant, last month!

Well, until then I’m not laughing. And even if I was, I’m sure I’d pull something out. 8 more weeks, folks! Wish me luck :)

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

heather May 17, 2012 at 8:49 am

AJ you look beautiful! So glad you are getting some photos of you pregnant. I feel like I had so many more with the first pregnancy than the second, and I feel guilty about that. Can’t even imagine the third time around! Oh, and I totally remember the sleep stuff– a dying fish is the perfect description! That was one of the hardest parts about the last weeks, I remember too well! Good luck, I’ll be thinking of you!!

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aj May 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Thanks, h!! Not too many photos exist…but I thought, now is the time….since I’m supposed to be enjoying this…!

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