something old and something new

by humanmama on October 22, 2013

I’ve been reading some old posts because I wanted to get a feeling for what you’re getting a feeling for. And I came upon one of my favorites, written back before I got pregnant with #3.

Things are just so old-testament around here.

Sometimes I think that, if there is a God, and she does listen to prayers, she’s gotta be getting a pretty good laugh. I think of some friends, several in fact, who told us when they were pregnant “we’re not going to let having a baby change our lives.” I think of God hearing that, throwing back her head, and laughing, hysterically. The kind of laugh where at first you’re joining in, like after you tell a joke to a friend, and then after a point you’re kind-of looking around, uncomfortably, thinking “Maybe I overdid it…” I picture her wiping tears away, laughing uncontrollably, maybe like a grandmother with just the slightest bit of dementia, where the laugh is not even about what you said but about all the things that come along with it. I picture me saying that, and then God just flipping through the next 5 or 6 decades of my life in an instant, and laughing.

Since we’re in the midst of having kids and still talking (crazily, I know) about having MORE children, I thought I’d discuss it with you, dear reader. In fact, I’m trying to actually write all of this into a book so I could get paid for my words of caution, instead of just giving all this good stuff away scott free.

Three is an odd number, I’m aware of that, and as I just have two kids and come from a family of two kids I don’t know three. My mom said that a doctor she once heard of used to tell people “you can’t have only one child, since that leads to only child syndrome. Two kids is too much conflict, and with three you have the ‘lost middle child.’ So, your family doesn’t really begin until you have four or more.” I am sure that this doctor was a man, and living comfortably between patient visits and golf tourneys while his wife was at home, wondering just how many times can one clean the living room before one goes absolutely bonkers.However I must admit, I’m still considering more than two kids, and I think it’s because of the power of it all.

Yes: you do have power when you’re creating lives. It’s amazing. I have an absolute little army of my own little people to brainwash on peace and love and reggae as much as I want, and believe me, it’s powerful. Even though I often feel like my very sense of self has eroded somewhat, I acknowledge that my self is actually quite different than it once was. And very much attached to the three little maniacs I’ve created. (Insert evil laughter here). It’s not easy, but it’s incredible, and when friends who don’t have kids say “what’s it like having kids?” we say “Uhhhh…. it’s a lot.” Because it is a lot. Of everything. Love, joy, pain, exhaustion, elation…yeah, the gamut of emotions and feelings.

But actually none of our childless friends ask us “what’s it like?” anymore. And you know why? Because we usually don’t shut up about it. But if they did ask, we might say, “Having a baby doesn’t mean you have to totally change your life.” We might. Just to hear God hysterically laugh.

 

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