repost: thanks, hormones

by humanmama on February 18, 2013

Alright, we have about 6 friends who are pregnant with or about to have their first child, and that’s getting me thinking. There’s definitely a conspiracy out there. It’s a mom-spiracy, actually, and it begins with pregnancy and, I’m convinced, continues well on throughout the rest of a woman’s life. During pregnancy, as you may have heard me say before, there are about a million moms that you pass, all giving you the “awww, so sweet” smile as they remember (you imagine) how wonderful it was to be pregnant and expecting. And (you also imagine) how wonderful it was to have a little, tiny, new baby, and how they miss that time.

They are actually all thinking “Thank GOD I’m over THAT phase!”

Okay, that’s not true. They probably ARE thinking “awww, so sweet, I wish that was me.” But it’s only because this conspiracy is not external, it’s not known. It’s INTERNAL. I think it’s hormones. And it scares me.

I’m pretty sure that the hormones that cause me to never be satisfied with my life as it is (I’m graduated from College! I need to move far away to establish myself. …I’m dating! We need to become engaged. …I’m engaged! It’s time to get married. …I’m married! Let’s get off of birth control and never sleep again!”). I’ve said it before, but I really think that women could rule the world if we weren’t so busy. Since we are, men are like, “well, then, I’ll do it, I don’t care…” and that’s what we’re left with. Wars ensue.

The funny thing about children is not that we actually have them, but that we keep having them. For most women, pregnancy isn’t easy. (For me, it consists of 10 months of throwing up and then a c-section.) And if you’ve given birth before, labor isn’t a picnic either. (If you haven’t given birth, it’s “actually not that bad” and “everyone has been born, so it can’t be that bad, right?” Ahem.) So why do we keep doing it? I have a theory–I might have mentioned it before–that if men were to have the babies, there would be mandatory early c-sections and absolutely no question of “natural” or “epidural”–there would always, always be drugs.

There are three points in post-pregnancy that your body will try to trick you into getting pregnant again, and I’m close to one right now (uh-ohh). The first (and these are all hormone-related and have nothing at all to do with rationality) is riiight after you’ve given birth, when the baby’s a few weeks old or maybe even right upon having the baby, when you think “Oh, honey, it wasn’t that bad, I really think we could do this again.” The second point is when they’re about 9 months old, and getting an a great schedule and having their own personality, and maybe crawling or trying to walk, and you think, “Oh, honey, s/he’s so amazing and precious, we could do this again!” The third is when they’re about 2, and they’re actually getting quite “independent” for a little person, maybe starting potty-training but definitely talking and walking, and not needing you as much, and as much as you long for that day at first, you suddenly realize that the child is growing up a bit and, -sniffle- “Honey, I really think we should do this again,” for this and that reason. And we can rationalize left and right: “They shouldn’t be too far apart”/”I don’t want to keep getting out the baby stuff over and over”/”We’re not ‘trying,’ but we’re not ‘not trying’….” It’s all hormones! Don’t listen! But we do, and the human race continues.

And really, it’s good that it does. Thanks, hormones. It’s just too bad the hormones don’t change diapers.

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