repost: ten things to remember at a wedding

by humanmama on May 23, 2012

As it’s the end of May, that means June wedding season is almost upon us. In honor of that wonderful, sweaty, Sunday-best time of year, I repost this from last summer. Enjoy!


Top Ten Things to remember at a Wedding:

10 ) Do not get horribly drunk and rant. That’s just something no one wants to hear. Unless you are hilarious.

9 ) You can faint, bride, groom, or bridesmaid, but make sure you faint on something soft. And, if you are feeling faint, please don’t lock you knees, keep them loose. Also, lay down and put your feet up. Even if you are a bridesmaid. Even if it’s in the middle of the vows.

8 ) It is always appropriate to fawn over other guest’s children. It is never okay to roll your eyes at them and wonder why they brought such naughty children in the first place. They probably didn’t have a sitter, and they are young parents without much support, and they just wanted to come to the wedding and have a nice time, and you try telling a 2- or 3-year-old not to interrupt the best man’s toast with yelling. Give ’em a little break and go get drunk on the negative ions of love. (But no ranting.)

7 ) Please take photos but maybe refrain from using someone else’s head as support as you take a loud, beeping video recording.

6 ) The bride is really, really important and has been up all day, since early in the morning, getting gorgeous. IF YOU SEE HER, BRING HER FOOD AND WATER. Especially after the ceremony. Or else beware of tip #9.

5 ) Remember that you were (perhaps) in love once and respect that, even if you are not in love now, you’re getting a free dinner paid for by someone who is in love now. So be polite and keep your renditions of “Love Stinks” to yourself. (This includes you, Mr. DJ.)

4 ) For the wedding DJ: When opening the music up to “take the audience’s requests,” consider instead playing the songs that the actual bride asked you to play. Just a suggestion if you want a tip.

3 ) You can eat again tomorrow. Don’t stuff yourself just because it’s free. You need to dance later!

2 ) Do dance later. Burn off those calories and have fun with your partner who is hopefully there with you. If you’re partner-less, just dance by yourself! You’ll have more fun and enjoy the wedding a whole lot more. Also, when you’re dancing you look cooler, believe me, than if you’re sitting alone by yourself nursing a watered-down glass of white zinfandel. Get out there!

1 ) If you are a husband, this is especially for you. Dance with your partner. They love you. Or, at least, they did sometime before this wedding. So ask him or her to dance, and make it special. It’s okay if you look dumb. No one will notice. Especially with everyone fainting and the DJ singing “Love Stinks.”

Finally, enjoy that wedding. It’s an amazing thing, love–it makes people want to spend money on you.



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