not summer lovin’

by humanmama on July 8, 2013

Usually this is the time of the year that I love. Things are bright and warm. No school. No jackets to get on. “Go outside” is a viable option. Usually I feel the urge to go back to work in January, in November, but in summer? I’m so happy to be home.

But not this year.

Maybe it’s three kids. That’s more than 2. (I mean, duh.) Three kids isn’t like 150% of 2, it’s actually like 250% times 2 kids. Its just that there isn’t enough energy to go around, which makes my oldest annoyed at times, and my middle acty-outy at times, and my baby really, really easygoing. (Most of the time, thank goodness.) But what does not having enough energy to go around make me?

It makes me restless. I am a person who needs to get things done. I am a project person. It doesn’t mean my house is fantastic, no, and it doesn’t mean my yard is tidy. It doesn’t mean my kids are dressed properly, and at times it doesn’t even mean that I am dressed properly. No, it’s not a blessing but a curse, and that curse is feeling at all times like I’m not doing enough.

I blame Pinterest for this.

When I began on Pinterest a while back, I just looked around, pinned a few things, and called it a month. But recently I’ve rediscovered it and it’s bad. It doesn’t inspire me, it makes me feel exhausted. It doesn’t give me ideas, it gives me guilt. Pinterest is a forum like any other which takes a few great ideas and groups them together, and to my rational logical brain it is inspiring! And to that little seed of jealous, I’m not good enough, that is implanted in us all? It makes me feel unworthy. Lazy. Out of shape. And like my house sucks.

That’s my challenge as a Stay-at-Homer, to be here and to be present and to be satisfied with what is. Because if you’re not–if you’re still missing your career, or hoping for a new kitchen, or thinking tomorrow will be different? You might be disappointed. It’s not a unique challenge, it’s really what we all go through–from the SAHM to the CEO to the yogini to the sanitation worker–every day. Do I love this? Sometimes. Do I need this? Not sure. Is this necessary? Yes. Is this changeable? Not right now. Those are the questions I ask myself every day.

So if you, like me, these days are feeling a little un-loving towards this summer, just relax. Ask yourself those questions. And really try to be present in the moment. This is only temporary, you know: all of this. Summer, children, career, health, life. Let’s band together and try to get a little love outta this summer.

And if you’re feeling blah, go ahead: blame Pinterest.

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Stacy Stone July 9, 2013 at 9:19 am

You are so brave. These are the thoughts and feelings that plague me most days. Hugs! You are fabulous! Your house looks great to me in pictures! Your kids are wonderful! Don’t look at Pinterest. I know I’ll never be able to do any of it so I don’t torture myself.

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