month 3 status report

by humanmama on January 9, 2012

Lest you think it’s all sunshine and roses around here, since I’m always reminding you to enjoy this time, allow me to share some stories.

I’m pregnant again. Yes, now everyone knows, I think. I can’t believe it. Well, actually, I really can believe it, since it only takes two things and I am sure somewhere in the fog of the last couple of months those things did meet. But I’m not really sure why we’re doing this again. (Note to future child: I do love you!) I feel exhausted all the time. And sick. Not like the first two, where I threw up breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and beverages. I threw up so much that first time, I actually began eating things based on what they’d feel/taste like on the way back up. Oatmeal? Pretty much the same. Yogurt? Can’t even tell. Baked cod? Um, let’s not do that again. [Yak] But I do feel gross, motion sick, and basically in the mood to sleep on the couch all day long, maybe let the dog into the living room and lay with her while I verp up my lunch.


I have two other children! Haha! And they are absolute dolls, polite, active, smart, witty, and fun. And they’ve chosen the last couple of months to 1) get up early every single day, 2) go to bed late and screaming every single night, and 3) feel extra active and insatiable for movement, while I feel just like a three-toed sloth, moving only when absolutely necessary so that the fungus on my fur doesn’t grow all uneven.

I feel like I need a full-time nanny. Then I could still be the all-wonderful, all-powerful mother, but lying on one of those beds surrounded by heavy curtains, like in Cinderella or Little Women when the sister had Scarlet Fever. And the kids would come visit me, and they’d say “Mom! Are you feeling alright?” in hushed tones, and I’d say “Could you have Nanny AmberBertha get me something cold to drink, my darlings, and an orange? and some crackers? And mint chocolate chip ice cream? And some sea salt?” And they’d say “certainly, mother, we just love you so much.” And I’d smile, knowingly, and go back to sleep.

Here lies pregnant me

Can I find someone reliable who won’t take any money? Anybody got any lonely wealthy kid-loving grandparents in Pittsburgh?! If not I’ll just do what I did the last time. Get by. It’ll be over soon, I know. And then, I’ll be just another 6-month pregnant woman with 2 other kids and a dog.


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