mom’s the word

by humanmama on November 9, 2006

Anytime I am out anywhere with Helena (who, by the way, is getting her second tooth and she’s only 5 months and one week old, poor baby), there are comments being made. And this was the case even when I was pregnant–people always offering advice, suggestions, comments… I try now as I tried then to let things pass, as my Auntie says, “in one ear and out the other,” but being that I am a person and not an alien incapable of human emotion, that’s not always easy.

While I was pregnant, I often heard both “You’re HOW far along??! You’re HUGE! Are you SURE it’s not TWINS?!!” and “You’re 7 months? Are you big enough? I was way bigger than that at 7 months!” Now, really, folks, I’m not sure you are aware but there are many people in this world who were actually born to a woman. Um, actually, let me check, yeah, I think all of us were actually. And so this means that as all people are different sizes, shapes, colors, etc. etc. etc. you would probably assume that pregnant women would be too. The most malicious people would look at me pregnant (with too much amniotic fluid, so you know, so I was pretty big) and glare and say helpful comments like “careful how much weight you gain, you don’t want stretchmarks, do you?”

The most benign people, when I was pregnant, would say things like “oooohhh! You must be SOOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE!” Nope, sherlock, I feel fantastic carrying this 50 lb. bowling ball under my belly button.

I am a pretty easygoing person (I say this because I’m not quite sure how I’m coming across!). But don’t you think that folks would have the decency, sometimes, just to leave well enough alone? You would think that. But no, it continues into motherhood. Just the other day a woman said to me, via cooing to my baby, “wow, you sure do have a lot of toys to play with in there, don’t you?” And at first (seriously) my reaction was to want to sneak behind the store shelves and make my baby’s stroller a minimalist Ikea-like environment. But after careful consideration, I realized that 1) I know my baby best, and 2) she is teething and therefore needs lots of nice soft things that will be soaked in spit to chew on at all times.

It’s amazing to me that mothers, who go through the similar experience of being pregnant, having a baby, and raising it or giving it to others to raise best, could have opinions that hurt other people. Being a mom I’m learning quickly that things in the mom world (breastfeeding, home-schooling, etc.) are very controversial. Turn on Good Morning America and listen to the great debate between moms who work outside of the home and those who stay at home. Or, wanna have some real fun? Google “circumcision.” There are mothers out there who are claiming that it’s cleaner and better for son and future partner…and there are mothers who are calling it “male genital mutilation.”

I have made several decisions about Helena–what she’ll eat first, what we do with our day, where I gave birth, breast or bottle, etc.–and she’s only 5 months old. I can only imagine the decisions, many of them with several sides, that I will have to make for her and for my other children (should I have any more) in the future. But is it my right to yell at someone else for doing something different? No, I don’t think so.

So the next time you feel that gay marriage is wrong, go ahead and defend your point. I will respecfully disagree that anyone should be denied the right to be legally and spiritually bound with someone they love. But please, don’t protest a funeral of a soldier who died in Iraq with signs that “God hates fags” because you feel America is being punished for “tolerance of gays.” (This truly happened, see link below.)

I don’t think moms can justify hating people, judging people, or hurting other people. We have too much in common to hate. (Oh, and, not to get too far from the original topic, let’s be a little more thoughtful when shouting things out loud to pregnant women, too!)

I’ve gotta go–I’ve gotta put this soap box away before Ben gets home.

oh, and if that link doesn’t work try cutting and pasting, and it’s from Fox News no less…,2933,217760,00.html

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