magic

by humanmama on October 27, 2011

I am totally magic. I just thought you should know.

I used to suspect that I was, when I was sixteen, and I could get boys to stare at me in a car just by looking awesome (like I thought I did) and by being an awesome driver (this means peeling out and laying rubber at each and every stop light. Don’t tell my parents.). Magic! But, then I learned after some years that getting a 16-year-old boy to stare at a girl is just not that hard of a feat.

So I looked elsewhere in order to demonstrate my magic.

You’ll be happy. I’ve finally (after some slight-of-hand with the nukkie–wheeere is it? HERE IT IS!! [giggles], noses [I’ve got your nose!! Wait–here it is!!], and that trick where you use your other hand and your thumb to look like your finger is in two pieces [move apart–then back together! Move apart–then back together!) finally settled on my art of magic. Get ready for your minds to be blown.

Ready? No, you aren’t.

I can make money disappear. Seriously. I’m really good at it.

Carpenter has been known to call me at 5pm on a Thursday and say “I’m going to buy–” and I say “No, you’re not. We don’t have any money,” and he says:

“No–I just got paid.”

and I say “I know. And I paid all the bills. And we have that auto-debit coming out on the 4th, and this is the Friday that our mortgage comes out. And there’s an uncashed check for girl scouts still hanging out there, and I need gas and we need money for groceries. I’m telling you–we don’t have any money.”

See?! Magic!

Poof!

Ta-Daaa!

I could go on all night.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Jill October 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm

HAHA!!! I love this!! ;) I am super magic too! ;))
Jill recently posted…Funny Things That Freak Kids OutMy Profile

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Holly October 31, 2011 at 7:51 am

According to Ellen, if this is magic, I am magic too!!

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