loving you

by humanmama on September 3, 2011

There’s a horrible 1970’s song (“la la la la la”) that says “Loving you/ is easy ‘cuz you’re beautiful.” And even when I am so irritated with my children it hurts, at night, when they sleep, that’s the song I hear. Well, actually, thank the lord, that’s not the song I have to hear. But that’s how I feel.

The thing about children is that no matter how much you want to just up and leave them chained to a rock, à la Prometheus (okay, not with an eagle eating their livers), when they sleep you just lose everything totally to the softness of children.

Their hands are relaxed. Not grabbing toilet paper or the dog’s tail or a handful of my shirt after they’ve been eating chocolate ice cream. And they’re (usually) pretty clean when they are sleeping, and smell good.

Their eyes are relaxed, and not squinched up like they’re about to do something naughty, as they are in real life, all day. My kids sometimes sleep with their hands behind their necks, like little Huck Finns all stretched out on a hillside chewing a stalk of grass. Their mouths are gently open, not about to yell or scream or laugh or cry, not saying “MOMMY! I NEED YOU WIPEMYBUM!” Just little heart-shaped red bows of lips, breathing in sweet night air.

Helena Rose, many years ago.

Their minds are relaxed, sleeping, recharging to use again later. There’s no thoughts except dreams running through them, and they are peaceful and content.

Yes, it’s the nighttime when you become crazy again. Or sane again. But crazy enough to do it all again tomorrow.

Just because they’re sleeping. Those tricksters.

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Rebecca September 3, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Ahh! Bedtime–my favorite time of day.

I love your literary allusions. They make me want to jump up and read something good. Oh wait-it was the fact that my kids are sleeping that makes me want to jump up and read something good while I can take advantage of the quiet…

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