keepin’ it real

by humanmama on September 30, 2013

If you read my blog all the time I might come across as a little wishy-washy. One day I might write a loving, praising piece about how I adore my children and how the time goes just too fast, and the next day you may find me complaining about staying at home and feeling like I’m slowly losing my very self.

But, hey, that’s why you read.

Seriously, I hope this really is the reason you read. Because it’s real, my feelings. The feelings that I’m putting out there into the ether are ones that everyone has. Every parent. Every mom. Every person who has kids or is around kids. The stay-at-homers, the work-full-timers. You know we are all dealing with it, with all of it. Hope. Shame. Fear. Pride. Exhaustion. Love. Resentment. Adoration. These are just the very feelings that came on that job description–you know the one. You read it months or years or decades ago, and it said “Wanted: parent. Doesn’t need to be perfect. Just needs to try.”

I want my kids to grow up knowing that I’m flawed. Maybe you’re thinking, “No–let them think you’re the greatest now before they become teenagers!!” Well, don’t worry: I am sure that when my kids are teenagers they’ll think I’m even more imperfect and flawed than I actually am. But, right now I don’t want my kids to think I’m perfect. Because if they think that at 7, and 4, and 1, then the only place to go in their eyes is down. No, I say things like “I’m sorry I messed up. I’m not perfect, but I’ll try really hard next time.” I like them to think of me and the Carp as flawed people who love the shit out of them and would do anything (AND I MEAN ANYTHING) to keep them safe and show them they’re a wonderful part of this family. Because if they know we’re not perfect then they won’t be let down later when they realize we’re not perfect. And, maybe they’ll give themselves a bit of a break when they, too, mess up.

Because we’re all gonna mess up. You know it, I know it. And if they start out knowing it, they might not be so bitterly hard on themselves for just being human. Maybnot perfecte they’ll learn from their mistakes. And get better. AND maybe when they grow up and become adult citizens of this country or world, maybe they’ll be more prone to give other people a break for just being human and flawed, as well. Maybe cut down on road rage, and hostility, and shame, and hate, and bad juju. Because that’s the whole point. “We’re not perfect, but we keep learning: let”s try again.” It might be my family motto.

I should get a tattoo.

 

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