what did you say?

by humanmama on August 17, 2011

As my sister’s due date approaches I keep thinking of that time when I was just pregnant, no kids. Someone describes that family as a “DINK”–double income, no kids. Ahh, what a time.

I was able to pay to fly my mother into town for a weekend when I had no kids. And once my sister’s tuition for college (not, like, the whole thing, but she was short a bit for the month). I was able to get some pretty amazing gifts for people’s birthdays, Christmas presents, and other holidays, and I was able to get new clothes for my own self when I needed them.

I was able to pay my bills the very day I received them, and then just shred the bill. Actually, I used to keep them for 5 years and then shred THOSE bills. And they were FILED in a filing cabinet. I mean, by date.

-sigh-

Now I can barely keep my little desk free of papers. When Carpenter deposits his check after work on Thursday I wait approximately 35 minutes before calling him to say “Don’t spend any money until next week, I just paid the bills.”

While part of me loves staying home with the kids (**NOTE: It took me a full year, maybe two, before I could muster up that sentiment. But it’s true now), there’s a big part of me that loves two incomes, and not as much worry. And though that sounds a little selfish and money-grubbing, there’s another part, too, and that’s the part where I would walk into an office and people would listen to me.

Yes, hard as it may be to believe, my children (quick! Mommy’s telling a story! Gather ’round!), there was a time when people actually listened to what Mommy had to say. And, this is even more incredible, but they actually paid her for her opinion! When she sat in a meeting and raised a point, people listened and responded. Yes, my dears, there was a time people listened to mommy the first time. But that time is past.

Though I love my life now I was taken aback to see a former boss this week. I had to drop my van off at the dealer’s, again, to get yet another of it’s bells and whistles fixed, and my sister picked us up there, me and the kids. We went to a local mall (*the fancy mall, because I wanted to get a Pottery Barn catalog. I use them for inspiration, not for shopping). We sat down with $1 hot chocolates from Starbucks for each of the girls. And immediately I saw my boss coming up the elevator. I was wearing yoga pants. She was wearing a frilly top and jean capri’s. She was wearing expensive, high shoes. She was wearing makeup, and a tan. I did not yet have a shower that day. I thought about her clothes, mostly from Ann Taylor, and Anthropologie, and I thought about my clothes, mostly (that day especially) from TJ Maxx and Costco.

And I missed a dual income.

But then, I thought about my girls. And I thought, “okay.” At least, for this brief time in my life, “okay.” This is how it’s going to be for a while. A little broke but pretty happy. And although I really, really miss being able to buy  what I want (and, at times, some things we need), I am okay with being at home.

You hear that kids? Are you listening? Just kidding, I know you aren’t.

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Cassie August 18, 2011 at 10:54 pm

You’ve shared something that is SO relateable and it is wonderful. I love the bit about shopping at TJ Maxx and Costco–aint that the truth for lots of us moms. And I’ve totally ditched my heels. They are a no-go on most days of the year.

Love your place here. I’m going to keep peeking around. I do hope you’ll visit A Serenade for Solitude again!

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