hindsight

by humanmama on September 27, 2011

I think I was sorely in need of a good shaking when I became a mother.

No one told me that after I was pregnant I’d have to do [most] everything by myself. People smile at a pregnant woman when she enters a restaurant, when she waddles into the bathroom, when she boards a plane. People glare at the same woman postpartum with a toddler.

When I was pregnant I wish I would have slept all the time. In fact, instead of being sent home early from work, I wish I quit 2 months before the due date just to hang around, read, take baths and poops by myself. I wish I had socked my paycheck away for a year before I had my first child, since before you have children you say, “oh, we’re so broke.” And after you have children (*especially true if someone decides to stay at home afterward) you actually are broke. I realize now that we can survive without my paycheck! We are surviving! Hindsight isn’t 20/20. It’s 20/15.

I wish I had read this before I even thought about getting pregnant. And then I wish I had known that I would push for six hours before getting a c-section, so I wouldn’t have worried so much. I wish I wouldn’t have mowed the lawn so early after both c-sections just to get out of the house–I should have sent Carpenter away with the children for my free time, instead. I wish I had traveled more, and I wish I had gotten more education beforehand. Like, maybe a Ph.D on top of a MD on top of a …well, more education. Much more. I wish I had entirely remodeled the house, and re-landscaped. Hell, I wish I moved to a villa in Italy and did that whole Under the Tuscan Sun thing.

I wish I had known myself now. Because I’d shake myself and say:

DON’T DO IT!! Freeze your eggs! Enjoy this last time you have BY YOURSELF!!

But then, of course, I wouldn’t know any of this:

Shit. They got me.

I made them. Inside my own body.

Okay. I guess. You got me: I love my life.

 

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