handle (me) with care

by humanmama on February 8, 2012

I take it all back. Winter’s here. Poo.

Things have been good this year–I’ve been healthy until the last few weeks, and the kids too. And Carpenter, which is good since he makes the money. We’ve been managing the bills okay (still dreaming of having two incomes one day. Or maybe winning the lottery), and things with families and family issues seem to be, at most, a little tumultuous but nothing directly to do with us, which is good.

But why am I feeling so out-of-sorts, still? And don’t say “you’re pregnant.” I know that.

I’ve written this before, but when the kids are feeling a little unwell, or a little like they need alone time, or if something that usually would make them laugh suddenly makes them feel like screaming or crying, I’ve taught them to say “I’m feeling a little fragile,” and even my 2-year-old says it. It’s a great thing to say. It implies that others should take a little extra care with you, but it isn’t as loaded as sensitive, and it isn’t as feeling-laden as depressed. It’s just a word that means, hey, I’m feeling like I need a little extra care, here, and maybe that comes in many different forms. For my oldest, she means “Please leave me alone,” and it’s my que (the que to the normally probing, questioning, joking me) to just put her on the couch, with a book, or a blanket and a show on the TV, and just leave her be for a while.

When the 2-year-old says it, she might need “I need a cuddle,” or she might be sick. It’s how they’re so different, but so amazingly good at expressing themselves. It makes their therapist-mama proud.

Carpenter has yet to tell me he’s fragile. (Psst–but don’t let on that I actually can sense when he is. I like him to think that he’s always tough. Actually, well, nah, that’s not really like me, but I do let him have his pride, don’t worry.)

Feeling a little vulnerable is okay. Feeling that way all the time means you need to talk to somebody about why. But for now, I’ve just been feeling a little fragile. Maybe it’s the lack of trees with leaves, sunshine, and warm weather. Maybe it’s that my body is changing again without much input from me. Maybe I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now. But treat me kind: I’m feeling a little fragile lately.

How are you feeling?

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Jessica February 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Fragile is definitely how I would have described myself with each pregnancy – physically and emotionally. Adding winter blahs to it doesn’t help. Good for you for teaching your girls how to signal what they are needing. What a blessing that will be for them in life. Too many of us aren’t good at showing any form of “weakness,” even if we do need some more careful handling in that moment.
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