getting older

by humanmama on June 25, 2011

"don't wish this time away..."

The absolute sickest and wrongest thing about getting older is that it’s all backwards: what you have, what you are, what you appreciate. All totally backwards. What I mean is this:

You are born. You wear diapers. You have no hair. You play and eat and drink and sleep whenever you want, with hardly any consequences. Everything is taken care of for you, and when you actually notice you might want to interject your opinion but it doesn’t matter so much. You grow some. You are still young, and foolish. You do dumb things. Your skin and hair are awesome. You may have acne but you don’t have wrinkles. You actually have hair. And things just are great, but you never appreciate them really, not as you should.

You are older. You begin wrinkles and worries. Real worries, like mortgages and children. Not in that order. You birth children, or assist in the process. You are always tired but often don’t get a nap. You notice how hard an issue money is. You work all week and then come home and work all weekend on the house and errands, chores, etc. You are exhausted and strung-out some of the time, and even though your kids are young and you know it’s fleeting, you are trying to get things done and trying to build your business so it’s hard to spend the time with kids, spouse, and life that you really want to spend.

You age some. You grow financially. Your kids grow up, maybe move away. You notice that you have gotten 8 hours of sleep for weeks or months in a row. Your business is strong, your finances are better. You have a little more money and a little less people and things to spend it on. You see family on holidays. You begin some hobbies. You join some clubs. You see your kids as often as you can, when your schedules and theirs align. You’re still busy. You remember what it’s like to be with your spouse with no other extraneous noise around the two of you. You join more clubs.

You age more. You wear depends. You miss your family terribly. You don’t care about business but you avidly watch the news and alert your kids and grandkids and great-grandkids about every danger you can. You pray for them all day, every day. You worry a lot more. You see them on holidays. You love babies. You want them all to have babies so you can just blissfully hold them. You remember the times when you were young and strong and how you didn’t appreciate those times enough. You look at old photos.

You age more. Everything is taken care of for you and even when you interject your opinion, it may not be heard. You may not have hair anymore. You live each week and month from family visit to family visit. You begin to think that that time when you were young and had babies was the absolute best time of your life. You dream about it. You wonder if that’s what heaven is like. You’d spend all day every day with your family if they’d let you, just drinking them in. You nap a lot. And you wonder where the time went.

You see? The things we should appreciate, the money we have, and the time we have to appreciate them all accumulate in life.

Just not at the same times.

Oh, that I could remember to appreciate what we have now.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

aunt bea bea June 26, 2011 at 10:42 am

I’m trying! Always good to remember what you have now that makes you happy.

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Suzie June 26, 2011 at 11:47 am

AJ – I’m so glad Bea posted about your blog on Facebook. I’m expecting my first child in a month. Your writing is so genuine, just like having a conversation with you. (Even though it’s been years since I’ve seen you!) Looking forward to more!

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kathie June 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Omg that made me cry. I am already missing my little boy now that he is almost a teenager and wanting to be with his friends all the time. Damn I should have had more kids!

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holly June 26, 2011 at 5:59 pm

This is beautiful. I re-read it a couple times. Very good observation, makes me want to never grow old.

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