fool me once

by humanmama on July 20, 2012

It’s so sick that after the doctors delivered (“extracted”) baby #3, which was 9 days ago, my first and immediate thought after looking into his face was:

“We could do this again, we could have one more.”

I’m not ashamed to say it. Well, I am a little. You all know how much I do not like being pregnant, and how hard it is on my body. On the bodies of all of us. But still, something about hormones combined with just this amazed and awed sense of OMNIPOTENCE mixed with a humility that I couldn’t have anything, really to do with making a baby, just being an incubator… All of this together made me think, briefly, I could do this again.

When Carpenter and I got started, all those years ago, I had a really great wedding shower where my sister and a great friend who introduced Carp and myself taped him doing an interview. They asked him all sorts of questions, and to my delight at my shower asked me the same ones. It was kind-of like a version of the Newlywed Game, and our answers (thankfully) were really, really similar. We felt as one. One of the questions was children: “How many children are you going to have?”

We both answered “four.”

Who was to know I’d throw up every 15 minutes for the first 7 months with Helena, and then only once or twice a day until the end? Who was to know I’d have polyhydramnios which meant I gained a million pounds and was insanely uncomfortable even in my 7th month, where strangers would stop me to say “are you due soon? Twins, right?!” Who was to know I’d have a migraine every day of Baby Benji’s first 20 weeks, and for the last 20 weeks would have the groin muscle pain of an Olympic Athlete? Um, an Athlete who used their groin to pull a Semi with a rope strung from somewhere between their thighs? But even so, I can’t not love them. They are so gorgeous, so perfect, that you’ll excuse the occasional, drug-induced lack of judgement where I try to convince the Carp to get me pregnant again.

You’ll excuse it, of course, because you love me. Also because you know I wouldn’t want to get pregnant for a little while, and during that time I’d be forced to face the ultimate in birth control. Having three children together at home in the rain with a healing c-section scar and nothing to do but be together.

Yes, friends. I believe my time is over. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t have another. Heck: you can even have my maternity clothes. Maybe if they’re not here, I won’t be tempted to go back.

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Maura July 20, 2012 at 6:44 pm

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