repost: elf in the trash

by humanmama on December 8, 2013

Well, we’ve been headed in this direction for some time. Although almost every kid around here has had an Elf on the Shelf for a year or so, we didn’t have one until this year. Suddenly, on December 1st, Snowflake showed up on our mantle. The kids were so excited–finally! We have one now too!And, when we went out grocery shopping, she performed her first miracle: when we arrived home she had moved, and was now sitting on a lamp. I knew the kids would be amazed.

Um, actually that was not the word for it. When I (Imean, the Elf) freed her from her original Elf box ($29.99, so Santa tells me) and moved her to the lamp, the empty Elf box still sat on the mantle. With the twisty ties dangling down. Which was not something that the Elf thought too much about, at the time, but suddenly, like on CSI, it seemed significant. The kids’ horrified stares went back and forth, jaws agape, from the dangling twisty ties to the lamp, and Helena slowly said “…She untied herself….” Lilly ran upstairs and hid under a blanket. Carpenter mouthed I TOLD YOU THAT THING WAS CREEPY.

I would not be discouraged. I stepped it down. I mean, the Elf stepped it down. She was on top of the tree, the wreath, the microwave. Nothing too fancy. Just that impish grin.

And still, the kids were terrified. Go figure. First I tell them to sit in this old man’s lap and tell him what they want, which I EXPRESSLY TELL THEM ALL THE REST OF THE YEAR NEVER TO DO, and now this. So she stepped it up. She made a scarf.

She made some stuff outta candy.

So adorable! So harmless! So fun! But the kids were increasingly terrified. Helena wanted to hold my hand each time we went down the stairs in case the elf had moved again. Lilly was refusing to go potty by herself. I’m not making this up. And the final straw was when Helena had a dream about the elf the other night. She was crying, and when I went to go get her, she said “In my dream? The Elf’s head? It spun all the way around…”

UM, WHAT?! Okay. That’s it. The Elf went away, back to the North Pole. She left a note, she needed to stay with Santa for a while. She left candy. Lilly said “I miss the Elf,” and has looked for her out the window several times.

And, under her covers. And, under her bed.

To me, it says this: we are just not Elf people. There’s only one place I’d like to see that damn Elf now:

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Maura December 17, 2012 at 2:14 pm

LOL, what a terrible experience! I am sorry. We too didn’t get an Elf until this year. Thankfully, my kids love Susie Sparkle, and cannot wait to see where she will appear next.


Katie B. December 17, 2012 at 8:39 pm

You are not alone! This is our first year with our elf, Dr. Who. (not kidding) Erin is fine with him as long as he stays out of her room. When he first arrived he was perched on her closet. Had a tricky time getting her to sleep that night. Apparently it was the story that did it. She was really excited till we read the story. Go figure.


Sara E December 18, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Um, I literally laughed out loud at work when I saw the final picture.


aj December 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Yay! Well, that’s the point!


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