dog people

by humanmama on August 9, 2011

There’s something around here that I just must rant about. And, since this is not a wedding (see Things to Remember at a Wedding), I feel that this is my forum to do so.

There are about a million animals around here, even though Pittsburgh is really a major city there are a lot of outlying areas of forest interspersed around the city areas. They’re always making way for new grocery stores and LA Fitnesses, too, so that means removing even more forest-y areas and making them concrete. Which drives those animals into my yard.

Now, you know that I am a gardener and therefore work very, very hard on my yard, making it look good, putting in perennials as I can afford (and/or split off of friends. Don’t think I’m not eying the McDonald’s parking lot thinking “Hmm, I wonder if they’d even know if I came in the night and split that zebra grass…”). And it makes me nothing short of insane to have the deer and chipmunks and squirrels take my berries, and hostas, and tender little lillies just poking up their little buds. But there’s something even worse. There’s another kind of animal around here that makes me crazy.

We live in a little cute suburby-Towney part of Pittsburgh, and there are feral cats here. I mean, by the hundreds. Or maybe it’s the same two, I can’t tell. They are always roaming around, getting into trash and pooping on people’s sidewalks. And the worst thing is that they 1) sometimes have kittens under my friends’ porches, and 2) get into those horrible cat fights at night. A cat fight at night sounds a little like a gang of street children gutting a homeless person with a coat hanger.

Sorry, but it does. Okay, erase that mental image if you can. It IS  one of the worst sounds you can imagine. At first you think there’s a child calling for help. Then you’re sure that the kid from that movie The Ring is after you in the night. And then you realize those yowly horrific screams are from cats. It makes me insane.

I’m not a “cat” person and I know that most of my friends are (isn’t that ironic? Hmm). I guess, pure and simple, I don’t want an animal who is smarter than me. Or an animal who thinks he is smarter than me. Since I think I’m really smart.

It totally freaks me out that there is an animal who would let me have the honor of feeding it and/or grace me with it’s presence. Dogs are just happy you remembered they’re alive. My dog is so eternally grateful that she’s not still at the shelter that she rewards me by digging me little holes all around the yard, and rolling in poop. Cat poop, probably.

Feral cat poop.

Dammit! Those cats got me again!


(these people are crazy. Check out How To Care for Your Feral Cat Population! but please, don’t.)


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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Amanda August 9, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Argh!! I know! Someone just ate the big, huge, beautiful head of lettuce on my front patio a few nights ago! And by someone I mean a terrible thieving deer or chipmunk. Someone’s stupid cat will actually knock over our garbage bag and rip it open and throw garbage all over our lawn. I hate that my backyard is a habitat to all sorts of mean little asshole animals.


aj August 10, 2011 at 6:19 pm

ha, ha, ha!


Emily August 9, 2011 at 11:46 pm

We have those cats around here too!


Jessica August 11, 2011 at 8:42 am

Ok, you have to get out of my brain! Sebastian just stepped in some feral cat poop in our backyard yesterday and I was thinking so many of these same thoughts! Yuck. So far we don’t have any feral kittens under porches yet… {crosses fingers and knocks on wood}


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