cognitive dissonance

by humanmama on August 11, 2011

I have a problem today. I don’t feel like doing crap.

Well, that could be confusing. Depending on how you read it. So let me rephrase: I DO NOT FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT. I have Lilly in bed (yesss!), and Helena is at a sleepover at her little friends’ house. Carpenter is doing work at a friend’s house until late. There’s no ice cream, wine, or chips here (boo!), and there’s nothing at all on TV (yet another reason we shouldn’t have upgraded from basic cable–it’s a lot more satisfying to have 11 channels with nothing on than 780 channels with nothing on.

So I have no kids, and the house is clean enough–not incredible, but if someone showed up tonight I wouldn’t die of embarassment. And the bills are paid for the month. And there’s not too much laundry–I’ve started only doing it Tues., Thurs, and Sat. so I don’t feel like I do laundry every day. (Yes, it’s Thursday, but no, I don’t care.)

Is this okay?

WWCD? Actually, I know what Carpenter would do. He would unequivocally and without a second thought turn on something to watch and snooze on the couch. No guilt. He’d say “I was really tired.” And I wouldn’t question that at all! I would be annoyed if the kitchen was a mess or something, but as it is, the house is fine. So I’d say, “well, okay! Good.”

But why do I feel so GUILTY and bad for resting? Maybe it’s my Adult ADHD. Maybe it’s because I’m a mom, or a homeowner. There’s definitely no rest for the homeowners, and as for moms, if I thought about it there’s a million 2T clothes that could be sorted and folded and put into bins for the (possibly) next kid, and the 3T clothes could be taken out of the attic and washed and folded. And I could put them away tomorrow morning back in Lilly’s drawers.

But that makes me feel exhausted. And, like I said, I DO NOT FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING.

How can I relieve this cognitive dissonance I’m feeling? I’m still a little of an overachiever. I already painted all the trim in the living room this week. And with all this free time I just know I need to do something. I feel too guilty to just not do anything tonight.

Ooh! I have an idea. If I’m doing nothing I am still doing SOMETHING: feeling bad about doing nothing!

There! You see? I DO have something to do tonight! Oh, I feel so much better.

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Jessica August 11, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Ha. Yes, we overachievers have a tough time doing nothing. Although I think having babies cured me of that. It’s only once they hit a year old (which just happened…sigh…) that my inner overachiever reappears. I hope you managed to just relax, have a bubble bath, go to bed early – anything that accomplishes ONLY giving yourself a break!

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