boredom, part 2 ("the stork")

by humanmama on November 5, 2010

When we met, Ben and I, I was independent. Actually this is an understatement, I was ultraindependent, a wommyn, a girl who just had to make do sometimes. My sister thinks that we had it rough in childhood (divorced parents, etc.) and I don’t, since I have actually seen kids who had it rough. But I didn’t have it easy, and I did have 4 jobs in college at one time just to make ends meet. To buy clothes, and books, and food. Not like designer clothes, either. My dad helped a bit, the government helped a bit, mom helped a bit, but a lot of the money and money stress was on me, and I decided young that I would not ever again have to depend on others for my living, and got a job. Or two. Mostly because I always hated to ask for help, and also because I never wanted to be someone who owed anything to anyone.

So this stay-at-home thing began not as a decision actually. I got laid off (almost) during maternity leave–I came back to work for 3 days and they laid the whole research floor off, so there I went. Which was great, some unemployment money, and some halfhearted searching, but it wasn’t like I decided to stay at home permanently. It just happened. And maybe that’s part of my cabin fever.

The debate rages on and on what’s “best” for the kids. And I (as I am often saying) am a big fan of the theory that goes “whatever works for your family.” That doesn’t always mean I’ll be silent about my opinion, but usually what works for you is best and you know it. So for us I do see a lot of greatness in my staying home with the kids. I know them best, better than anyone. Way better–no one can ever tell me something that happened without my already knowing it (except for the 2.5 hours of preschool, 3 times per week). And even as I write that I realize you’re not seeing this point as so great….since that means they are my life. I mean, of course, they’re my kids, so they’re my life, but should they also be my life?? As a mom, are we even allowed to have a life?

Of course I think I should get out more when I read those statements. And my old friends would be so amazed at my life now, with my schedules about eating and sleeping. I think if you voted for “the person least likely to have a childrens’ daily schedule and family monthly calendar posted on the fridge” in college, I would definitely have won that one. But they change your life, kids, and you realize that things are a lot, lot easier with a schedule. Especially if you have a husband who goes to sleep about 8:30pm every night. Then you better bet you put the kids the bed early in attempts at having a marriage too. Geez, cake AND eating? So one thing leads to another and suddenly you’re left thinking, “honey, when’s the last time we actually went out together?” How did we even get these children, since we never see each other?

Which is how the fable of the Stork was invented.

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