enough but not enough [sleep]

by humanmama on September 27, 2012

Well, here is is again: the time after having a baby when I am both post-pregnancy and pre-losing the baby weight. It’s a hard time. And the baby is over two months, starting to sleep through the night, and suddenly I feel tired and not together, still, but also this creeeeeping feeeeeling of being overweight. Or, over my weight. The weight that I was, the weight that I want to be, and the weight where I have clothes that fit. Now that I’m getting enough sleep to function, I’m getting enough sleep to feel bad about my body image again. Urrgh.

Some of my great friends and amazing neighbors would interject here (because they are moms, and because they’ve been here, and because it’s not as bad as I let myself believe, I know) “Noooo! You look great! You just had a baaay-beee!” But guess what? It doesn’t help the feeling of not being in shape. And like I said, I’ve recently gotten a few nights’ sleep–just enough to let me look into the mirror and actually see myself staring back, and think “Hmm.”

So that’s how I was feeling this week. But you know, ladies, it’s something you don’t want to state out loud too much, since you’ll get the “it’s not bad! You look great!” and you know that you should really shut up this bad person who lives inside your head, telling you you’re overweight. But since I haven’t gotten enough sleep to shut her up, yet, I’ve not been feeling my best.

Enter the Preschool janitor. Helena had school off for Yom Kippur (L’Chaim!) and so we all took Lilly up to preschool together. We walked in, and saw that the doors to the “big room” were open–the room where the trikes and play equipment are set up for indoor recess. My girls ran in. I put the unwieldy carseat carrier down outside the room and stuck my head in as they took a lap.The friendly janitor noticed us and came walking up. “I see we’ll have another student here, soon,” he said to me, and I said “I know! Every time I have a baby I think, one more preschool student!”(…to pay for, I thought.) And he said “Do you have three or four?”

“Just three!” I said, making the you know how it is, wink wink face, and he said, quizzically, with a glance at my tummy, “will this be number three or number four?”

“Um, number three. Just three!” I reiterated, confused. But then. We both frowned, looked away, and then realized at the same time what he meant.

He thought I was pregnant.

Well, as soon as I get enough sleep to feel bad about myself and work out, I guess it’s time to lose that extra 20 lb. I’m still carrying. And, it’s okay, you can say it. “You just had a baaay-beee!” It actually does make me feel better–better than “when are you due?”

 Not in there, anymore. I swear.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Maura September 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Oh the rudeness of people. First, you never ask if someone is pregnant unless you are 100% sure that they already are. Second, you probably do look great. It takes awhile to get back on your feet and start working out! Give yourself some slack because playing with your baby is going to be way more important that losing the weight as fast as people expect you to. And third, I blame hollywood. All those actresses telling people that the “baby weight just came off.” Claire is almost 9 months old now, and I just finished losing the weight. It didn’t fall off. I pushed myself everyday, 6 days a week for at least 40 minutes (once I got the ok from the doc). Don’t listen to other people. You will lose the weight on your own terms, in your own life. Hugs from here in Michigan where I can tell you that you look gorgeous~ :)

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aj September 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm

you’re totally right! and I, personally, blame Heidi Klum. :)

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Christi September 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Oh, but it’s Mr. Tom!! He didn’t mean to offend, but you know that. I know if it was me that he said that to, I would have ended up in the bathroom bawling! Listen here….it takes time to lose weight after having a child. It took me 3 years!! That’s mainly because I LOVE food and have no self control over yummy stuff :) I never thought I would be back to my wedding weight, and it has been hard work, but it is possible. Try: http://www.myfitnesspal.com – I lost close to 35# and my husband about 25#. Hang in there!

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aj September 28, 2012 at 10:34 am

And you both look GREAT! …I have seen a lot of people recommend MFP, including my awesome step-sister-in-law. Thanks!!!

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Lindsay Piper September 28, 2012 at 8:12 am

When Ava was 5 days old, I had a man ask me when I was due and the baby was sitting right there in the carrier. She was minute. Like 6 pounds and I was like dude I just gave birth the other day!!!! Some people have no common sense. I am sure you look great. I still have 10-15 pounds to lose and Griffin is 6 months old. It is hard to find the time to exercise with 4 kids!

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aj September 28, 2012 at 9:44 am

Ahhh! That is awful!! Oh, geez. Gotta love being a mom;)

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Maria September 28, 2012 at 11:56 am

I can beat Lindsay. When E was TWO DAYS OLD, we had to go to the emergency room at Children’s Memorial Hospital for a breathing scare. She was admitted for overnight monitoring and of course I stayed. The nurse on duty? “When are you due?” I just stared at her and then she realized she was an idiot and apologized. People just don’t think.

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aj October 1, 2012 at 10:51 am

there is nothing to say to that. Uuuhhh.

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