“10 things” list

by humanmama on June 14, 2011

I don’t know if it’s the moon’s phase we’re in, or the fact that it’s summer now, or the lack of sleep we’re getting or what, but Carpenter and I have been fighting for a month. Maybe longer. It’s not like us. Usually when we fight about something it lasts for a few days until one of us caves, since we really like each other, but lately it’s like we go a day or two and then something starts up again and we just can’t stop being mad at each other.


It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just us both being people living together. A sock on the floor, an extra question about “when will you be home after work?” …you name it, and it begins again. So I decided I needed to try something new.

I just did it this week but seriously, it’s already helping. You should try it too and tell me how it goes. The other night I left a list out for him to find in the morning. That’s just the time that works for us, I’m usually up later and he gets up at the buttcrack of dawn, so I have been leaving them out at night. The list is entitled “10 things I love about Carpenter,” and that’s what it is. Just 10 things, anything really. One thing could be how he sleeps, or how he puts away his toothbrush. Whatever. But I thought if I could do it everyday, or just every day that he works, I bet he and I would get along a little better. It’s a great exercise, because even if I’m mad I have to come up with 10 things I actually like about him. And he, in turn, gets 10 reasons not to be mad and to look forward to coming home after work.

Like I said: it’s already working. This is only the third day, and this morning when I came downstairs I had my own list of “10 things I love about AJ.” Sweetness. I smiled, I sent him an “I love the list!” text message this morning, and seriously all day I thought of things that could be on his list for tonight/tomorrow morning.

Try it and tell me if it works! There are just three rules. One: the list can be anything, but if it’s X-rated make sure your kids can’t read yet or you have it somewhere safe. Rule #2 is that definitely some things should be X-rated. Okay, nothing has to be, but where’s the fun in that? Rule #3 is that you can’t nag in the list. So if I think Carpenter sleeps all the time and always am yelling at him about falling asleep at all family functions, I can’t write “I love how your eyelashes look when you’re asleep, which is ALL THE TIME.” Save the sarcasm for your everyday conversations. (Or, not at all, if you like!) This is the time to make love, not war, so make the list actual things you love but don’t usually say. (I know, hard to believe there’s things I don’t say, right? But there are.)

I’m telling you: this might be marital therapy for the poor. Maybe I should patent this idea–let’s start a revolution. Go make your list! And long live a healthy marriage!

No, you can't see the x-rated ones.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica June 15, 2011 at 1:15 am

Love this! We’ve had the same kind of ARGH month here, so I’m going to try it tomorrow! I’m starting with 5, though… Gotta make sure I can keep it up for longer!


aj June 15, 2011 at 8:23 am

Ha! Yeah…maybe “three things….”


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